Car Wash
by kepulver
Summary: G1 Transformers  Pipes and Tailgate have a strange encounter takes place shortly after their arrival on Earth circa 19921993


**Author's Notes:** Idea from Becky2112, inspired by the celebrity carwash in Wayward's Insecticomics. Takes place roughly in 1992 or 1993, shortly after Pipes and Tailgate have arrived on Earth. Originally written for "Bath-Time Pipes." 

**Car Wash:**

"Tell me again, why are we doing this?" Tailgate asked as he leaned against Pipes's side, his elbow resting on the top of Pipes's cab.

"It's for charity," Pipes said. "The idea is, the humans pay money to come in here an' wash us and the money goes to charity. We're raisin' money for the Red Cross."

"Yeah, I get that part, Pipes," Tailgate said. "I was there for the briefing too, remember? What I want to know is why are we here? We're not exactly attracting much attention, y'know?"

Pipes looked around at the flea market parking lot where the 5th annual Autobot Charity Carwash was being held. It was true, Pipes and Tailgate were a tiny island of inactivity in a sea of humanity.

"Yeah, well, it's probably because we're not as familiar to them as some of the others are," Pipes said. "I mean, most of them know who Prime an' the others are. We're just new."

"Uh-huh," Tailgate drummed his fingers on his leg. "So, explain why Springer and Hot Rod had a crowd around them? They're just as new as we are and they were braggin' over the broadband about how they were earning more than even Sunstreaker and Sideswipe."

"Well...Springer is a triple-changer, that's kinda unusual," Pipes said. "An' Hot Rod, well...he was with Springer, right?"

"And what about Arcee?" Tailgate pressed his point. "She's got a line longer than even Prime does!"

Again, it was true: the line for Arcee's corral stretched back across the parking lot, almost to the front gate.

"Uhm...I don't know," Pipes said. "Maybe they like pink?"

"Maybe." Tailgate sighed and leaned heavily against Pipes's side. "This is boring. We could actually be out doing something worthwhile...or something not worthwhile, but that wasn't just standing around being ignored by the humans."

"It's okay, 'Gate," Pipes said. "I mean, it's kind of interesting to watch the humans walk around, at least. Usually when we see 'em, they're hurt or in trouble or running away from the Decepticons. It's nice seeing them happy for a change."

"Yeah, you have a point." Tailgate paused, lowering his voice. "Hey, somebody's coming over...I'll bet you a wax job they want directions to Jazz."

"No way," Pipes said. "Optimus. Or the snack tent."

"You can't call two things!" Tailgate protested as the human drew closer. He was one of the smaller models; barely thigh-high to a full-sized human. Like most of the smaller models Tailgate and Pipes had seen, he was a strange combination of distraction and determination. Like a cleaning drone chasing a wayward petrorat, the mini-human was making a beeline toward them.

"Get the bucket ready!" Pipes said, rocking on his wheels and nudging Tailgate to stand up.

"Okay! Okay!" Tailgate said, reaching down for the plastic bucket they'd been given for collecting donations. As the mini-human approached, he bent down slightly. "Hello, how can we help you?"

"Hi!" the mini-human said.

"Hello," Tailgate said again. "Were you looking for directions? Or were you wanting to make a donation here?"

The mini-human giggled at them. "Truck!" he said, pointing at Pipes. "Wash truck!"

Tailgate lowered the bucket to the ground. "Just place your donation into the bucket and we'll get you started," he said. "Five dollars for five minutes, ten dollars for fifteen minutes and twenty dollars for half an hour. You don't actually have to wash, if you'd rather talk or have pictures taken."

"Okay." the mini-human reached into a pocket of his clothes and pulled out a crumpled green bill and dropped it into the bucket with great solemnity before running over to hug Pipes's right front tire. 

"Truck!" the human yelled joyfully, squeezing Pipes's tire as if it were a long-lost friend.

"Hi, yeah," Pipes said. "I'm Pipes, nice to meet you."

The human nodded but didn't move away. "Transform!"

"Step back by Tailgate and I will," Pipes said. "Okay? It's for safety reasons."

Again, the human didn't move away. He stayed put, patting Pipes's tire and sing-songing nonsensically. 

"'Gate, what do I do?" Pipes radioed. "He wants me to transform, but he's not moving back!"

"Maybe he doesn't speak English?" Tailgate radioed back.

"He said 'truck' an' 'transform' in English," Pipes said.

"Well, maybe he's like the Dinobots?" Tailgate offered. "Maybe he's a little slow?"

"Truck, truck, truck!" sang the human, gleefully wandering around Pipes and patting him as he went. "Transform!" The last was shouted triumphantly as the human stood in front of Pipes's grill.

"I can't!" Pipes said, plaintively. "Not if you don't step back! It's for safety reasons, understand?"

The human answered by crouching down on all fours, making engine noises and then leaping up, arms over his head. "Transform!"

"'Gate, call Streetwise," Pipes said, not caring if the human heard. "Tell him we got a problem; an unruly human and we need an assist."

"You got it," Tailgate said.

"Okay, guys, what's the sitch?" Streetwise's voice was calm and easy-going as he spoke to Pipes and Tailgate over a private channel. 

"A human came up to us, one of the little ones and he's acting really erratic," Tailgate said.

Streetwise chuckled. "Coming from you, 'Gate, that's saying something," he said. "What's he doing?"

"Well, if anybody'd know, it's me," Tailgate said. "He wants Pipes to transform but he won't move back when we tell him to. I don't think he speaks English."

"Hold on," Streetwise said. "Hey, Pipes, where's the human right now?"

"Standing in front of me."

"Describe him for me? Like, how tall, what color hair, what he's wearing, that sort of thing?"

"Sure," Pipes said. "He's really small, maybe waist-high on Carly. An' he's got long brown hair, but it's braided like cable in two big bunches on his head. Ah' he's that light brown color some of them are, like Outback's arms and legs are only a little lighter."

"Hold up," Streetwise said. There was a pause, then. "Okay, describe the clothes for me?"

"Uhm, blue overalls, like those ones Spike wears sometimes, only a lot smaller an' they got this pink fringe on 'em. A red shirt an' green shoes." Pipes studied the human more closely. "Oh, and one pink sock and one yellow sock."

"Okay, last thing," Streetwise said, "ask the human what their name is and tell me what they say."

"Hey," said Tailgate. "What's your name?"

The human looked to Tailgate and grinned. "Jesse."

"He says he's called Jesse," Pipes said to Streetwise.

"Great!" Streetwise said. "You guys are lifesavers. Keep Jesse there, I'll be there ASAP, okay?"

"What's going on?" Tailgate asked. "Is this human dangerous?"

"Far from it," Streetwise said. "Jesse wandered off from her folks about five minutes after they came through the gate; they've been freaking out, but luckily the little lady made it over to you guys. Keep her there, I'm bringing her folks now. Thanks guys, you guys are lifesavers." 


End file.
